i don’t know what to do about my feelings for my (only) best friend.

2022.01.17 15:25 firIing i don’t know what to do about my feelings for my (only) best friend.

TL;DR: my best friend (17M) is giving me a hard time trying to understand whether he likes me or not, but i don’t want to confess since i don’t want to ruin our friendship.
hi, reddit. i (17M) and have been recently struggling to come to terms with my feelings for my only close friend so i thought that coming here would potentially help. i grew up in a very religious household and have been forced to partake into various religious activities since i was very young; my entire family is also very clearly against homosexuality, and have stated it on multiple occasions. in real life, i’m not allowed to have any friends that aren’t the sons or daughters of religious people my parents personally know and i’ve been punished multiple times for engaging in conversations with people who don’t fit their criteria.
in freshman year, at my new school, my only acquaintance was a boy whose father my mother was colleagues in middle school with, so we were allowed to become friends. we bonded over our hatred for our parents and their beliefs, had been basically inseparable. we had been friends for over two years when i realized that i had probably developed romantic feelings for him, so i only felt like it was appropriate to tell him about it (i knew he wasn’t homophobic), but he had been hinting for a while at having a crush on a senior year girl (we both were and still are juniors), so i called it off.
they got together in like october but they broke up after less than 4 weeks because she was cheating on him. i comforted him and was there for him to help him get through the breakup and felt like it wasn’t proper to confess at the time, in order to not burden him. however, while we were just randomly talking about something very irrelevant, during a free period and we were alone, he kissed me out of nowhere (that was less than 2 weeks after his breakup), and i kissed him back.
it was very awkward but i really enjoyed even though, it felt very forced and i was caught off guard, which made me a little upset. he apologized and when i asked why he’s sorry, he said that i reminded him of his ex girlfriend while i was talking about that certain thing, and he didn’t mean it, but was caught up in the moment and was also grateful for the emotional support i provided him with. i was like okay i’m sorry too and we then acted like nothing had happened but i felt like shit afterwards. we stayed friends and still are.
however, on new year’s we both went to a party hosted by one of our classmates and there was a girl i knew liked me so, trying to make my best friend jealous (i don’t know what was going on in my head. i hadn’t even drunk literally anything and i was still being weird), i flirted with her and kissed her in front of him. the kiss was great and she was very attractive from a conventional point of view, but i felt disgusted for some reason, nevertheless i enjoyed her presence.
my best friend seemed upset and didn’t talk to me for a few days after that, then blamed it on his ‘seasonal depression’. i sorted things out with the girl meantime, i apologized to her and told her she’s very pretty and nice, but i wasn’t ready for a relationship, and she was very okay with it. right now, my best friend is avoiding me and rejects my suggestions of hanging out by making really transparent and superficial excuses.
the thing is, i don’t even know if i’m gay or not, i don’t think i am. i did have a few crushes on girls, but i don’t know if it’s just that i find them attractive — i don’t feel any connection when talking to them and just appreciate them from afar (i don’t know how to word it better), but when i talk to guys i become really… vulnerable i guess? i get flustered very easily and become very awkward for some reason.
i enjoyed kissing both sexes, but i really don’t know what to say. i still have feelings for my best friend and i can’t stop thinking about him, but i’m scared he’ll back off and break off our friendship because of my feelings for him. any advice is greatly appreciated. thank you a lot!
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So my partner has said for the past two years now that she does never wants Children however she is aware of how much I would like at least one.
To me having children is something I have always wanted and have sat down with her before saying that this relationship wouldn't work properly for me if children aren't an option.
Would it be a dick move for me to end the relationship over the disagreement about children as it constantly plays on my mind or should I just get over it?
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2022.01.17 15:25 Haznaan أنا ما بآمن بالدين بس بكره الأقليات

الأقليات بتقدم مصلحتها على مصلحة البلد وأكتر ميلاً للفساد والنهب بسبب قبليتها، خاصة الأقليات الإثنو-دينية متل العلويين والدروز، الحقبة الأسدية دليل واضح عكلامي، لازم الحكم يكون بإيد العلمانيين من الخلفية السنية وإلا ما بتنصلح البلد
ليش عم قول هالكلام؟ لإني بشوف كتير ملحدين من خلفية سنية بيستحوا يحكوا بهالموضوع وبفكروا إنو ازا انتقدت الأقليات بتصير داعشي، عادي أنا ملحد وبكره العلويين وبالنسبة إلي أي واحد ما بيكره العلويين الهمج بكون مغيب عن الحقيقة أو بدون إحساس
والحقيقة أنا بشوف إنو العلويين أخطر من الدواعش، العلويين غزوا السكاكين بأجساد الأطفال الرضع بالحولة والبيضا وهاد الشي حتى الدواعش ما عملوه، واضح تماماً إنو العلويين بعانوا من نقص في الحس الأخلاقي ولازم إعادة تأهيلهم إزا حبينا ننهض بالبلد -وطبعاً ما رح يصير هالشي تحت حكم الأسد-. العلوي ما عندو مشكلة يسرق أو ينهب المهم يكون نحيف بشكل يأهلو للمرور عبر الطاقة.
الزبدة: فيك تكون ملحد وتكره الأقليات اللي خربت بلدك عادي، مو شرط تلحس بيضات أهل الأديان التانية لتثبت إنك مو داعشي
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